As it turns out, I have a strong disdain for RC cars and the smell of weed. Many people like RC cars. Many people like weed. I am not one of these people. And the two together incite a riot within me, especially when said RC car is a gift to Justin from his father (the only gift he has received in two years, which arrived dirty with a blown motor and was missing some key parts. Cool that he followed through, but geez...) and said weed permeates the local hobby shop we need to visit to repair the car. Actually, now that marijuana is legal in Oregon, the smell permeates everything. I know, I know. First world problems. I am angry for being angry. Thank goodness for Dave who immediately swirled into action and helped Justin with all his RC car woes, keeping the contact highs to a minimum.
I'm not a fan of anger. I typically bottle it up, pretend it doesn't exist, or better yet, outwit it with a seemingly zen mode of attack by simply breathing through the perceived injustice or seed of discontent. And when all else fails, I hop on my bike and ride it off. This week, none of these techniques were very effective, which leads me to the conclusion that this anger is very real. Dammit.
So what's up with this anger? It's probably best to acknowledge the "what." Where are these emotions coming from? The list is long: superiority complexes, fragile egos, intellectual poverty, being condescended to by men who do not have teeth (this bike shop gig can be hard on a kid), children being condescended to by those who may or may not have teeth (adults can be so lame), the apparent relapse of the doorway dweller at work. I'm angry because I keep putting all my kindness, love, and acceptance out there in the world, and I want it to yield real change. I'm angry because I feel adrift and I don't like to spend time flailing about.
In a recent Ted Talk, Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, said, "If we do something over and over, it becomes normal. If we see the same thing over and over, it becomes normal." She shared this sentiment to explain inequality in gender roles, but certainly the same can be said for the inverse. If we share our honesty, compassion, and intelligence over and over again, certainly it will become normal, right? Or is it time to just be okay with this anger thing and see where it propels me?
In answer to my question, Dave just sent me this text:
"Thus, in one word, states of character arise out of like activities. This is why the activities we exhibit must be of a certain kind; it is because the states of character correspond to the differences between these. It makes no small difference, then, whether we form habits of one kind or of another from our very youth; it makes a very great difference, or rather all the difference."
--Aristotle
